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The Dark Side: Gender Discrimination in the Private Sphere

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Imagine a world devoid of duality, oh how dull it would be! Duality makes the various systems of this world organized and characterful. Otherwise, everything may seem insipid. Duality comes in the form of jubilance or melancholy, day or night, success or failure, affluence or poverty, or men or women. It is the duality of the last that makes family systems complete, resulting in a smooth flow of life. However, there is a unique line parallel to this smooth flow that at times discriminates one from the other. This discrimination is justified by certain biological and psychological differences among both. To Farida Shaheed, a Pakistani sociologist, the latter are being exploited by religion and culture which reinforce patriarchy and gender discrimination. Her work on gender discrimination in the book “The Post-Colonial State and Social Transformation in India and Pakistan” under the title “Women’s Experiences of Identity, Religion and Activism in Pakistan” is a must read.

The recent recognition of feminism has propagated vast amounts of scholarly work. Such work has brought the tortures of women into light, be it honor killings, rapes, marital rapes, early marriages, domestic violence or acid attacks.  These cases also receive greater media devotion. Amidst all this, one thing that usually doesn’t get much public attention is gender discrimination that happens in the private sphere. It’s the trivial matters: boti (chicken), bistar (bedding), gharelo kaam(chores) and mehman nawazi(hospitality).

Middle class typically display such shows. Parents and siblings in such families treat daughters and sisters with obvious discrimination. Treatment in such ways strengthens patriarchy in developing minds. When a girl comes of age under such circumstances, she has an unobstructed vision of gender roles. She is told that women are meant to bear the brunt of men’s anger, violence, and power. Therefore, mothers and grandmothers repeat this prioritization and cement the same model in their off springs i.e. put male children first over female on daily basis. This works like a spiral, repeating itself, consequently not allowing the value of women to be considered.

The Boti incidents are those where brothers get the delicious chunks of the foods leaving the sisters deprived. For instance, boys usually get the most favorite parts i.e. leg pieces, while sisters willingly or unwillingly accept pieces where there is more bone than chicken. Other incidents regarding food could also be seen. For instance, girls are given everything less in quantity compared to boys. The ostensible logic lies in the fact that they occasionally go out, have smaller builds and are shorter. Ironically, isn’t that the result of their own doing?

This doesn’t just stop there, Bistar incidents are those where discrimination is practiced regarding sleeping. A male heir would preferably be given the room with the air conditioner or his bed would be placed in a location that is more airy and cool. This again puts females (sisters and mothers) at a disadvantage; they do not get a goodnight’s sleep as compared to their counter male family members. Interestingly enough they would also be the ones to wake up early and do chores. Gharelu kaam, as a social construct, further exacerbates the precarious situation. It is meant to be the female’s responsibility to prepare and present food to the family members, wash and iron their clothes, and clean the house. In contrast, boys  play online games, watch movies, meet friends, or most definitely sleep.   

Mehman Nawazi is another aspect where the value of a female is under-estimated. For instance, if a girl and a boy (siblings) live in hostels, the boy would receive a more respectable welcome as compared to the girl. Excuses are given that the boys live farther away from home while a girl’s destiny is buried closer to home. Again, the girl must face the stereotypical discriminatory attitude of the family.

Members of such families don’t understand the consequences of discriminatory attitudes. They continue to treat girls with discrimination and sadly there are no voices to resist or restrict such attitudes. Upper classes are no exception but the nature of gender discrimination seems slightly different. For instance, parents contemplate distinctively of boys and girls considering their education, marriage and time to return home.

The intricacy lies in the informality of such kind of discrimination. It is no different from the informal economy which is equally important and damaging yet goes unrecorded. We must get rid of these incidents happening within homes on daily basis. To break these social constructs is our responsibility if we truly want the glory of duality to prevail.

 

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